My Life: A Godless Beginning Part 2

Life during my secondary school years wasn’t any better. In fact, it was in a bigger mess than before. Lying to my parents, going home late, and suicidal thoughts became part and parcel of my life. I dreaded home. It was a place filled with loneliness, hatred, and darkness. I would lock myself in my own room, staring into blank spaces. The immense emptiness in my heart drove me to a point of desperation. I could not stand that feeling anymore. I wanted to end my life. I cried and cried and cried…

School became my home, and friends, my family. I looked forward to going to school because I believe that my friends understand me best. I was quite wrong. Despite the many enjoyable moments, I often felt the emptiness in my heart. I was frustrated. Soon enough, I realized that no one will ever understand me, and gradually, I refused to talk to others about my life. My life became a mystery to many, and to myself. No one knew the pain I was going through. People saw the ‘lots of fun’ I went through during those days, but none saw the internal struggle within me.

When I was in Secondary 2, I had a major fallout with my elder brother. That day not only broke my heart into pieces, it also completely destroyed the already fragile ‘FAMILY’ in my heart. A cold war began from that day and it continued for weeks, months, and years. It gave me more reasons to hate home, and to hate my presence on this earth…

Next: My Life: God vs Parents