a video dedicated to God.

This is a video that I have made last year for my 21st birthday to thank God for all that He has done in my life. Hope you enjoy this video!

A Year of Transformation

"If you want to see something that you have never seen before, then you must do something that you have never done before. But if you do something that you always do, then you will see what you have always seen."
- Pastor Ed Silvoso, in the recently concluded Transformation Conference '09

In the beginning of this year, God impressed upon me that this year will be a year of transformation for me, that He will work mightily through my life, raising a strong warrior for His Kingdom. I was excited of course, and started off this year feeling good and hopeful about it. I was so determined at first, but lost that fire halfway through.

In God's perfect plan for me, He reminded me that He is going to do a new work in me. This was what happened.

Chris told me that his twin brother, Ben, had just won the top award in his unit. This wasn't any ordinary award because his unit had the toughest trainings and they were considered as the cream of the crops in the entire organisation. The best amongst the cream, that makes the award so special. I am very inspired by Ben because he always strives to give his best for the glory of God and it seems like nothing can stop him from doing that, NOTHING. His life is a testimony of God's grace and power, and the songs that Ben wrote reflects all that.

In his song "Things That Matter", he wrote "help me be the best that I can be, every single day" and here he is, giving his best for our great God every single day. What a great testimony and inspiration.

As I was reflecting, God led me to last year, when He placed Chris into my life. It was my first time seeing someone who was (and still is) so real to God. Through the tough times, Chris never gave up. I was a chaotic and messed up guy then and had caused him much distress and yet, he continued to shower God's love upon my life. He may not be perfect (none of us are) but He was shining so brightly in the kingdom of darkness, planting seeds of love in the lives of many, including me. If it weren't for his persistent prayers and faith in God that He will do something about my life, I don't think I will be who I am today.

God does have an interesting way of doing things. He sent this amazing twins into my life to show me that God is indeed in the business of transformation and my life can also be a testimony and inspiration to the lives of many if only I believe. That very day after the conference, I decided to make a decision for God - to give my best every single day of my life.

Through the lives of Chris and Ben, God showed me that He can do the same thing in my life. How can I reject this amazing offer that God has given to me? A year of transformation? Yes, this will be a year of transformation for me. As Pastor Ed said in the quote above, I will do what I have never done before (to give my best every single day of my life) and God will let me see things that I have never seen!

Blessings from God

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It was an email. It was an email that opened the floodgates, followed by the streams of tears that came naturally. It was a moment of joy and delight. No, It was more than that; It was a moment of awe for Jesus. The many months of struggle, of emotional hurts and of uncertainties, with the many months of surrendering and believing that God will provide, God made it clear once and for all on that very day I received that email.

Wonder what the email was about?

The email read, "We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected for the Health Science Scholarship (Diploma with Degree Conversion) in Physiotherapy, tenable for 3 years in Nanyang Polytechnic and 1 year in an overseas university."

In November last year, I decided to ask God to show me His will in my life and of course, the course that I should take for my tertiary education. It was after 2 years of thinking and wondering what I want to do in the future and finally reaching the end of the road that I realised that I have gone in the wrong direction. Like the parable of the prodigal son, God ran to me when I made the decision to come back to Him.

He diverted my attention away from all the glamourous courses towards a course that most students won't think about studying - Physiotherapy. I was filled with doubts but God showed me that He was going to use me mightily in this area and I obeyed Him. Then came the strong opposition from my parents who were very against the idea of studying physiotherapy because I had to go through a polytechnic education which they thought was second-class. I was very upset and hurt, and the breaking point was when they threatened to disown me if I were to choose this path. I was heartbroken and had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do. I couldn't tell them that this course is from God because they weren't christians. I was very lost.

Chris told me to press on and coninue to trust in the Lord, and I did. I prayed and believed that God's Will will be done in my life, and He did. My parents became more accepting and even my elder brother whom I had a relationship breakdown a few years back spoke for me. It was amazing and it became much clearer to me that this was and is indeed God's perfect Will for my life.

I decided to apply for a scholarship for this course so as to appease my parents, who in their hearts, were still very unwilling to accept my decision. As school drew closer, I began to doubt and there was just so much uncertainty regarding this course and whether I would be able to do well for it. At one point I even regretted choosing this. I prayed and prayed and asked God for His strength.

School started, and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed studying this course. Last thursday, I went for the scholarship interview. I was pretty unprepared but I believed that God was with me and even allowed me to gain the favour of the interviewers who seemed to be enjoying my presence. Even though I was offered the scholarship, I knew deep down that it wasn't because of me that I got the scholarship, it was 100% God. Without God, I have nothing.

Like what Chris said, "this scholarship affirms my position in physiotherapy." I am so honoured to be so loved by God, knowing that His Will is unfolding in my life right now. My parents too, are glowing with delight now.

Looking back, what I saw wasn't just the email, it was beyond that. I saw God's miracle hands working through my life. I saw a God who's love is unfailing, a God who's provision is more than enough for me, a God who knows what's best for me. I cried because I was touched by our awesome God.

What else can I say about this amazing God who makes all things work for the good for those who love him, who are called according to His purpose?

A New Season

As I begin my tertiary education tomorrow, a new phase of my life unfolds. Call it a new season of my walk with Christ. A new level of faith, admist all the stress and anxiety, to trust God for my studies and for His purpose to be fulfilled in my life. A closer walk with God on this path of many uncertainties and challenges.

God put me in physiotherapy for a reason, and I trust that His plan is indeed the best for me. 2 years of leaning upon my own thinking, I came to the end of the road, with no decision made, a future that was so clouded. Yet the moment I asked God to lead me, He gave me a future - in physiotherapy.

I faced strong objections from my parents who threatened to disown me if I were to study this. I was so lost and helpless, but I decided to trust God that if it is His will, then He will definitely provide a way for me. And He did.

"All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

This may be a new season of my life, but God is still the same yesterday, today and forever. He placed me in this course for a reason, and for that reason, He will walk with me throughout this journey. And even right now, I am just gonna boldly declare that I will excel in this course because God is with me. He provided a way for my parents to accept this decision, and He will definitely see that I excel in this course to bring Him all the glory! 3 years from now, you will hear me testify on this blog that I have done exceedingly well in my course and all glory belongs to God because without Him, I am nothing. Amen!

Looking Back on 2008

2008 has been one of the most tiring years of my life. The packed training schedules in the first half of the year had drained me of my energy to the point that I lost the heart of service in my previous church where I was serving in the soundlight ministry. I was quite tired of serving in the ministry because it was taking too much of my time. It was also during this time that I lost sight of God, and everything just seemed to come tumbling down. My overly sensitive feelings consumed me once again and I became very emotional.

Then came the miracle that made me decide to join FCBC. Looking back, I thank God that He was still there for me even when I chose to forsake Him. Joining FCBC was a huge turning point in my life. I saw hope in this messy life. By God’s grace, even though I continued to sin against Him, even though I continued to dwell in my emotional-depressed state, and even during those times when I really felt like ending my life, God refused to let me go. He even allowed me to understand more of Him, to experience Him in a way that I’ve never experienced before.

Lately, I began to ignore God. There were times that I would ask Chris to stop mentioning God when he tries to help me. Even during the my Hope week, I continued to put God aside, out of my life. I even told Chris that I didn’t want to testify because my life was screwed up, that I’ve broke God’s heart so many times; I felt that God wasn’t going to use my testimony anyway because of what I had done. Nonetheless, I prepared the testimony but my heart wasn’t fully right with God. It was only during that evening that I came before God and asked for His grace and mercy over my life. That very night, I saw God’s greatness in my life as I testify and realized that the many times I took the wrong step, He was there to ensure that I get back on the right step.

2008 can be summed up using this chorus:

“If I could count the stars in the sky
Could it compare to how many times
I broke Your heart
But still here You are with open arms”

When I first thought about my life in 2008, I thought that I was just going to say how bad things were. But through everything that happened last year, every single thing that I’ve said and done to hurt God and the people around me, through all these, you know what I saw? I saw God in my life. In fact, 2008 wasn’t about how screw up I was, but rather, it was about how amazing our God is, that everything that happened last year is a testimony to God’s grace, mercy and love. He is never a God who will give up hope on His children, like some fathers do; He is always the God who loves unconditionally, running faster than anyone towards us when we turn back to Him.

On the very last day of 2008, I made up my mind.

“Redemption, knocking on my doorstep
I lay me down
I don’t wanna turn from You no more
I’ve had enough of what this world’s to offer
So take me back
To the place where I belong”

Isaiah

I have never told anyone about my christian name. I will feel kind of uneasy if someone were to know this name. Recently, I have this friend who asked for my christian name and I refused to tell him. I believe he was pretty irritated by my refusal to give him my name. Then he said something that made me reflect on what I have done. He said something along these lines: "Are you ashamed of your name? Your name is given by God. Being ashame of your christian name is like being ashamed of God." What he said made me feel so uneasy and guilt-stricken. There was no peace in my heart. I prayed to God and asked for His forgiveness, and God opened my eyes and allowed me to understand why He gave me this name, Isaiah.

Isaiah means "God is Salvation."

Ever since I was saved by God's grace, I had been worrying about my family's salvation. It came to a point where I would doubt God, wondering if He would ever save my family. Sometimes, I was so eager for their salvation that I would criticise their beliefs. I knew I had hurt my parents and was behaving in an ungodly manner, but i was becoming impatient with their salvation. "God, when are You going to save them? Can't You just make them believe now?" This was what I was thinking.

For this very reason, God gave me this name, Isaiah. He wants me to understand that Salvation comes from the Lord, not from my impatience, not from my eagerness, and above all, not from me. Only Jesus can save my family! Who am I to worry? Who am I to be impatient?

IT'S ALL IN GOD'S HANDS!

Isaiah 55:8-9
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

Indeed, God's ways are higher than my ways, because only He knows the right time for my family's salvation. God must have greater plans regarding my family's salvation and I know that He will bring them to salvation because He will make all things work out for our good. Praise God. Come to think of it, God has been training me to shine for Him in my household. I have become more patient, my trust and faith in God is building up, and I have learnt to seek first His kingdom. I know that one day, me and my household will praise and worship Jesus together, and for all the days of our lives!

I thank God for this particular friend of mine, because His testimony about His family has greatly touched me, and I know that one day, my family will be like his too. I would love to see this happening, where there is true love for one another, the kind of love Jesus showed us through the Cross of Calvary. Thank You Jesus!

My Life: "Honor Your Father and Your Mother..."

Deuteronomy 5:16
“Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

The moment I rededicated my life to Jesus, God gave me this desire to speak to my parents about my conversion. One night, God rained down His Holy Spirit upon me, and there was this urgency to tell my parents the truth. Lying to my parents in order to go to church is not honoring God, nor is it honoring my parents. That night, I cried out to God and I prayed that as I reveal the truth to my parents, all will go well with me; that I will not receive huge rebuke from them. I was very afraid, and I asked God for His peace that transcends all understanding to guard my heart and my mind. I also asked God to teach me what to say when I speak to my parents.

After much praying, I took my first step. I approached my father and told him that I have already received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. To my amazement, his reaction was far from what I had expected; it was not of hostile intent but rather, just a simple “Ok”. He accepted the fact that I had converted, that I had given my life to Jesus, the One he was against initially. God had planted the seeds in his heart. My mum too, accepted this very fact. I went on to confess about me lying to them in order to go to church. They weren’t angry at all. Praise God.

Not only did Jesus lift the biggest burden (of not speaking the truth) from me, He molded me to become more like Him. I became more obedient to my parents, and for the first time in my life, I bought birthday gifts for them. I felt this strong desire to love and take good care of my parents. My parents saw the changed in me. My mum began to talk to my relatives about this change in me after I accepted Jesus. I was shining for Jesus!

I knew I am drawing closer and closer to God everyday. I was very determined to serve God all the days of my life. I attended the New Believer’s Class, and was really on fire for Him. I attended the baptism class after that and was baptized. I began to serve in Soundlight Ministry, and became a member of Lighthouse Evangelism. Recently, I joined a cell group despite the hectic schedule of army because Jesus is more important than anything else.

Matthew 6:33
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

My Life: God, Changed Me!

I was becoming like a Sunday Christian; God only came to the picture on Sunday, and from Monday to Saturday, I would forget about Him. I saw little changes in me life and I asked God where His promises for me were. I was so disappointed with Jesus. Despite that, I still believe that He is the true and living God.

Soon enough, I began to feel sick of how I was leading my life. I seriously wanted a change in my life. I felt so empty and meaningless. Jesus felt so far away from me. I was so devastated that I cried out to God to ask Him to draw near to me. I wanted to have a revived relationship with Him.

One Sunday, I was so touched by my Pastor’s message that during the altar call, I stepped forward even though I was hesitant initially. I said the Salvation Prayer once again, and this time round, I rededicated my life to Jesus. I was so touched and there was this peace in my heart that transcends all understanding. I knew that my life would be changed for real…

Next: My Life: "Honor Your Father and Your Mother..."

My Life: The Diminishing Fire

After I accepted Christ as my King of Kings, I was hot for Him. I wanted to learn and know more about Him. However, I did not know who to approach. There weren’t any mentors or spiritual leaders to help me and guide me, and very soon, I was well on my way to backsliding. To make the matter worst, I continued to sin even though I knew that God hated sin. Lies, hatred, disobedience and lust are but a few of the sins I had.

I continued to lie to my parents each week in order to go to church, and this went on for at least 5 to 6 months. Brothers and Sisters, I want to let you know that God hated lies, because it is a sin, and sin is of the devil. Lying in order to go to church is not honoring and glorifying God, it just implies that you are ashamed of the gospel. I was not only ashamed of the gospel, I was afraid of ‘persecution’ from my friends and family members. “I love and trust in God” was in my mouth; “Lord, I am ashamed to let people know I am a Christian” was in my heart. What a hypocrite I was then.

In the Ten Commandments, God said that we have to honor our parents. Not only did I disobey my parents, I disobeyed God. I spoke to my parents with attitude because I thought they were pretty annoying. I had wings to fly and no longer would I need my parents to interfere, or so I thought. I was so ignorant.

During these few months after my conversion, my friendship with my junior who brought me to church came crushing down. I began to dislike his presence and his character. It came to a point that we broke off our ties. Are Christians supposed to lead this kind of life? NO! God said in His Words that we have to ‘love thy neighbours as thyself’, that is to say that we have to love everyone, including our enemies, because we are all God’s creation. We should let Jesus deal with each one of us, and not take matter into our own hands because His ways are higher than our ways; He has better plans than we have.

Things weren’t as rosy as I would expect it to be after accepting Christ. Ain’t Christ supposed to change my life? Yes, He will change our lives, but we have to first, follow His ways and fully obey His Words. I didn’t read His Words nor followed His ways, nor did I open my heart completely to Him for Him to change me. My faith in Him was as good as zero. I was backsliding…

Next: My Life: God, Changed Me!

My Life: Salvation!

11 March came as a perfectly normal day, with the usual routines going on. Surely none would expect anything extraordinary to happen. Yet, it did happen. It was this day that I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It was this day that I opened my door and He entered and supped with me. It was this day that I confessed that I am a sinner, and only God can forgive me of all my sins, and give me a brand new life.

I didn’t receive my salvation in church, and I didn’t have to, because God is omnipresent. He isn’t confined to church only. I received a call from Lighthouse Evangelism when I was at home. The lady called to do a follow-up, asking me if I had been attending church. I told her that I have been attending regularly for the past few months. She was surprised and asked me if I had accepted Christ into my life. My response was “No” and immediately, she asked me if I believe that Jesus is the true and living God. “Yes” was my answer and she requested to lead me in the salvation prayer. I was hesitant, my mind was in a big confusion, but somehow, I knew that I had to say it because I need God in my life! I wanted my life to change once and for all! And so, I said the Salvation Prayer. Thank God I did!!!

I felt this excitement after I said the prayer. I knew my life would be totally changed by the power of God! I felt great! However, I kept this incident from my parents…

Next: My Life: The Diminishing Fire

My Life: God vs Parents

My junior invited me to a church event one Saturday afternoon. It was a fun-filled youth event with games, preaching, and praise and worship sessions. It was this gathering that I came to know more about this unique God, Jesus, whom they say created me. The sentence, “I am created in God’s image!” remained in my mind for quite some time, and I knew there was something special about this Jesus. During the salvation call, I wanted to accept Him as my Lord and Savior, but I did not because I know that my parents will kill me if I did. I went home feeling confused and that night, I told my parents that I want to convert; I received a huge rebuke. Not only was I scolded by my parents, I was scorned by my brother. I was so ashamed and disappointed.

From then on, my parents would give me constant warnings not to convert for several reasons, with my elder brother giving me piercing looks whenever we crossed paths. I felt so restricted and soon, I gave up about wanting to know this Jesus.

However, God had everything planned out for me. A few months later, to my amazement, my parents invited me to church as they were being invited by their friends. I thought they were against Christianity? What changed them? When I reached the hotel, I realized that my parents had already attended the services for a few times. I attended the youth gathering and one of the brothers told me that if I really want to know Jesus, all I need to do is to tell Him that “God, I want to know more about You.” I did just that that very night before I went to bed…

A few months later, another junior of mine invited me to Lighthouse Evangelism. I was awed by the praise and worship session. Somehow in my heart, I knew Jesus is indeed the true and living God. There was this feeling that cannot be explained through words. He had touched me, really. During the salvation call, my heart wanted to respond, but my body remained rooted to the ground. On one hand, I really wanted to receive Jesus into my heart, but on the other, I had to take my parents into consideration. My friend was prompting me, my heart was racing, and I knew God was knocking on my door. Sadly, I didn’t open it that day.

Week after week, I attended church without my parents consent, or rather; they had no idea where I went each Sunday. I had to come up with lies each week to be able to go to church. This went on for more than 3 months…

Next: My Life: Salvation!

My Life: A Godless Beginning Part 2

Life during my secondary school years wasn’t any better. In fact, it was in a bigger mess than before. Lying to my parents, going home late, and suicidal thoughts became part and parcel of my life. I dreaded home. It was a place filled with loneliness, hatred, and darkness. I would lock myself in my own room, staring into blank spaces. The immense emptiness in my heart drove me to a point of desperation. I could not stand that feeling anymore. I wanted to end my life. I cried and cried and cried…

School became my home, and friends, my family. I looked forward to going to school because I believe that my friends understand me best. I was quite wrong. Despite the many enjoyable moments, I often felt the emptiness in my heart. I was frustrated. Soon enough, I realized that no one will ever understand me, and gradually, I refused to talk to others about my life. My life became a mystery to many, and to myself. No one knew the pain I was going through. People saw the ‘lots of fun’ I went through during those days, but none saw the internal struggle within me.

When I was in Secondary 2, I had a major fallout with my elder brother. That day not only broke my heart into pieces, it also completely destroyed the already fragile ‘FAMILY’ in my heart. A cold war began from that day and it continued for weeks, months, and years. It gave me more reasons to hate home, and to hate my presence on this earth…

Next: My Life: God vs Parents

My Life: A Godless Beginning Part 1

Since young, I have been taught to worship the idols. As a young boy, I was made to believe that these idols were gods, that different idols were for different circumstances, and that they had different power status – if the idol didn’t work for you, worship a stronger one. It was a pretty confusing concept. I feared those idols because they looked ugly, fierce and eerie at night. This made me to worship them obediently for fear that something would happen to me.

The result of worshipping these idols was very negative. I grew up to be a superstitious and timid boy, fearing of being alone and darkness It came to a point that I was afraid of even bathing alone.

At the age of 8, I realized that death was inevitable. My whole world sank. I couldn’t believe that I was born just to die in the end. I found life so meaningless. I was angry and sad, and I cried whenever I thought of this. I kept asking myself, “What happens after I die? Am I going to be buried forever, sleeping in the confined space of a coffin while the world continues to live on?” I was devastated.

Gradually, I grew up to be a defiant kid. At the age of 7, I bullied my handicapped buddy. I would deliberately inflict pain on his body and I felt good about it. The bullying last for 2 years after which, he was transferred to another school. At the age of 8, I was partly involved in a fight in school which resulted in a student being hospitalized. I knew I was mixing with bad company, but I thought it was cool. When I was 10 years old, I began to copy my friend’s homework and one year later, I started stealing money from my parents. When my parents found out about the stealing months later, they threatened to send me to a boy’s home. I hated them. I abhorred my life and I believed that life was so unfair to me.

My relationship with my parents was totally ruined. I no longer trusted them and I drifted further and further away from them. I had enough of them, enough of their frequent canings, enough of their lectures and scoldings. I wished that I could run away from home. I felt that they did not understand me anymore. There was no love at all. Everything seemed so pointless and meaningless. I was lost, very lost…

Next: My Life: A Godless Beginning Part 2